Family Photos, chapter 3
Three Wise Men
Photograph #3: A hospital room. An exhausted, but happy mother sits in the bed, the sheets, her gown, the blankets, all in subdued shades of white. In the crook of each arm is a baby boy, bundled little witchetty grubs. Their faces are crinkled, wise with newborn secrets, their noses squashed and tiny. A small, blonde curled girl sits on the bed, her nose almost touching one of the baby’s noses. Another girl, about six, stands next to the bed, her eyes on her father’s arms. The husband stands, surrounded by his family, his eyes flashing the camera a smile. In his arms is another tiny boy, the third in a set of triplets.
I remember…
The tired feeling of elation after a long and strenuous pregnancy. The pride and joy in David’s eyes as each son was handed to him. The excitement in Sammy’s blonde bouncing curls as she bounded into the room. The quiet awe of Lucinda as she contemplated three new brothers. Our blind faith in the road ahead…
Elizabeth turned the photograph over. She had written: October 10, 2001. Toby, Jack & Connor. My three little wise men!
Even now, almost eight years later, her heart burned with the ache of love lost. It was as though her heart held all the acid tears that no longer filled her eyes. All that acid burning a hole in her heart; like the one that had taken Connor’s life. She sat back in her chair and thought about the morning gone by.
The kitchen had been full of the usual morning rush before school. Lucinda had dutifully braided Sammy’s hair while Sammy had inhaled Sultana Bran, every now and then choking as she dramatized the ‘pain’ Luci was inflicting. Toby had not been in the mood for breakfast, waking up cranky. When Sammy had poured his cereal into his bowl, he’d pushed it away and scrunched up his nose.
Sammy, shrugging her shoulders had said, ‘Well Tobes, if you really want your brain to grow fuzz like this,’ here she had pointed to the picture of the purple fuzz pictured on the box, ‘then go ahead, don’t eat it. But,’ she had added in a mock serious tone, ‘Sultana Bran helps fight the fuzzies at school.’
Toby had scrunched his nose again, swatting Luci’s hand away as she tousled his hair. ‘Don’t listen to her Tobes. You want some Vegemite toast instead?’
Katie had whirled into the kitchen, grabbed Elizabeth’s coffee, taken a gulp and set it down.
‘I’m late, late late! Chow!’ and had rushed back into the hallway.
‘Aunt Katie! Wait!’ yelled Sammy, giving Toby cheeky eyes. ‘If you don’t eat your breakfast, the fuzzies will get you!’
‘They’ll have to catch me first!’ Katie had yelled back, her words disappearing out the front door.
Jack had followed Katie in, his brown hair falling into his blue eyes. He had grabbed Toby’s discarded bowl of cereal and started eating it. David had followed, the scent of aftershave wafting in. The kettle had been boiling, spoons had been clanking, the toast had been popping.
‘Mummy,’ Jack had said as he shoveled in a heaped spoonful. ‘I saw Connor last night.’
Spoons had stopped mid air, and Elizabeth could swear the kettle had stopped mid boil.
Everyone had looked at each other, unsure of what to say. Elizabeth had cleared her throat and said, ‘Uh, JJ. What do you mean?’
Jack had kept eating, unbothered. ‘In a dream. He was there. With all of us. We played soccer. He’s cool.’
Sammy had interrupted with a roll of her eyes, ‘What, as a baby? Babies can’t play soccer.’
‘Well duh, not as a baby. He was bigger. Like me and Toby.’
Thrown, Elizabeth hadn’t known what to say. David had stepped in, ‘Okay Jack. We’ll talk about this tonight when I get home, alright?’ He’d grabbed a piece of toast, kissed his children’s heads, kissed Elizabeth and said in a low voice, ‘We’ll sort this out later, I promise.’
Elizabeth had gotten them all off to school, unable to get Jack’s words out of her head.
Now she sat on the couch, staring at the first picture of how her family was supposed to be. It wasn’t that she’d forgotten about Connor until Jack’s mention this morning. Every day she thought about him. She watched her two boys growing, always wondering if he would have been the same. The same height, the same hair, the same eyes. Would he have enjoyed cricket, or break dancing? Every birthday put more years between what she knew him to be and what he could have been. The twins second birthday had been the hardest. The first year, they celebrated Connor with an extra candle, but Elizabeth had hated the pity stares from the other mothers, knowing they were all glad it wasn’t them. That night she had insisted to David that they never celebrate a milestone for Connor again.
The phone shrilled, and Elizabeth started.
‘Hello, Elizabeth speaking.’
‘Mrs. Conway, this is Principal McGowan.’
‘Oh, what can I do for you?’
‘Well, I was actually hoping you could come down to the school. We’ve had a bit of a situation.’
‘Is it Sammy? The boys? Is everything okay?’ Elizabeth couldn’t keep the panic out of her voice.
‘We’re still trying to figure out what happened, but Jack has a strong punch and has almost broken another child’s nose.’
Elizabeth inhaled sharply. ‘I’ll be right there.’
When she arrived, Elizabeth dashed down the corridor to the principal’s office. Sitting outside the door was a very agitated Jack. Elizabeth crouched down, ‘Jack, honey, what happened?’
His blue eyes flashed. ‘I told Tommy I saw Connor last night and we played soccer and he laughed at me. He told me that Connor was dead, that I should know that by now. So I told him to shut up, that Connor wasn’t dead, that he was just in Heaven with God. Tommy pushed me then and said that if I was playing soccer with Connor then I loved my dead brother more than Toby. So Toby started crying, and that’s when I punched Tommy. But I’m right, Mummy, aren’t I? I’m right?’
Elizabeth squeezed Jack tight, then looked into those lightning flash eyes. ‘Honey, Tommy is right. Connor is dead. He isn’t alive with us. But you are also right, because Connor is in Heaven with God. But Jack, Connor was a baby when he died. He is not the same as you and Toby. And he can’t play soccer.’
Jack threw his lightning onto Elizabeth. ‘He can so. And he did. We beat Dad and Toby three to one. He looks just like me and Toby, only his hair is curly like Sammy’s. He kicks with his right foot, like Toby, and I laughed at him ‘cause I’m a lefty.’
Elizabeth looked into her son’s eyes. ‘Jack, it was just a dream. It was all in your imagination.’
‘He was real, Mummy. I know it. You and Daddy told us that God gives people dreams sometimes. Like Joseph in the Bible. Maybe I’m like Joseph.’
Bitten on the bum, Elizabeth thought.
She stood and entered the principal’s office. Elizabeth promised Tommy’s mother she would get an apology from Jack. Then she took Jack’s hand, collected Toby and Samantha from class, and signed them out early.
As promised, David talked with Jack, and the others, about what Jack had dreamt about. David was skeptical about God giving Jack his dream, but Jack still held that he had really met Connor.
During the night, she felt a small body curling into her stomach. She realized it was Toby, his body smelling of sleep.
‘Mummy?’
‘Yes, Tobes?’ she whispered.
‘I wish I could meet Connor too. Do you think God could pretend I’m Joseph just once?’
She smoothed his hair, ‘Oh Sweetheart. Go to sleep now.’
His rhythmic breathing joined David’s, and the sound lulled Elizabeth back to sleep.
Three boys ran across a playground, pushing, laughing, and playing. They spotted her and waved, then came hurtling towards her. She recognized Toby and Jack, and then gasped as their face stared at her under a head of curly hair. Toby was pulling the curly haired boy towards her and smiling.
‘Mummy, this is Connor. Look, he’s just like us!’
Connor ran straight into her stomach and threw his arms around her waist. She rested her hand on his head and tried to take in the feel of his hair. She knelt down and he smiled at her.
A tall man appeared at her side. Connor went to hold his hand.
Elizabeth stood, and the man put his hand on her shoulder. His eyes entered her beating heart as he said, ‘Thank you for allowing me to take care of Connor.’
She looked down again at her curly haired son.
‘Mummy, I’ll be waiting for you.’ His voice was familiar and unfamiliar all at once.
Toby and Jack held a hand on either side of her, as the man and Connor walked away.
Elizabeth woke and stared at the ceiling, the dawn sun adding light. She knew she had just met her baby boy. It was not another dream, just as Jack had said. As she held Toby close, she pondered how when God had left her with two wise men, He had left them enough wisdom for three.
‘For the wisdom that comes from Heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere’ – James 3:17
