Communication breakdown
I know what Led Zepplin was talkin' about now! How do we relate to each other? What do we do when things are heading to breakdown mode? Why are we so unsure of our place in a relationship sometimes? Why are we instantly thrown off with the first hint of discomfort?
How do you stand in the knowledge of who you are in God, when you're in a situation that is crushing your spirit?
Relationships, I have discovered recently, will always be hard, no matter how close or how far you are from the ones you are relationship with. I know you're sitting there thinking, "OF COURSE THEY ARE!!" But even with the people you assume you have a solid friendship foundation, they can suddenly become unsteady, confronting and awkward. The kind of awkward where you just sit there squirming and writhing on the inside, wanting to politely walk away but know you have to stick it out. It's always too much of a hassle to tell them what you really think or feel.
Some relationship moments reveal our vulnerability. You know as soon as you start sharing, it's going to turn into verbal vomit all over the other person. As you become close, expecting them to be able to mop it up into a genuine response, you find they weren't actually ready to hear your struggles, and reject you with a generic response instead. Now feeling like this person has ripped your heart out and thrown it out the window, you grind your teeth as you are left somehow smiling in front of them.
Personally, I have been in a situation where someone abused our unspoken confidentiality by gossiping about my thoughts on a disagreement with some one else; only for it to be misunderstood as it passed along a chinese whisper chain and ended up coming between us for a lengthy period of time. Stupid really, considering the real problem began in the rumour rather than the actual dissagreement.
It was hurtful at the time and unjust. It was teenage bullying. Women, along with teenagers, can get caught up in such confusion. I'm sure we can all relate on some level. For example, you're at a stage in the fighting process where you are losing it and flailing around in emotions you can't control. What do you do then? Do you run to your oldest friend? Do you just shut down altogether? Are you a pretender? Are you a shelver? Are you expecting all your other relationships to come to your rescue? What works for your relationship? What is the real issue being addressed? Relationships require a lot of investment, so when the smooth flow stops abruptly for an argument, it can often hit our heart harder.
I have only been married a year now and 'holy toledo' have we had some... ah... disagreements. As difficult as it is being the intolerably stubborn half, I tend to try to opt for some space. I try taking off the gloves and spitting out the mouth guard and attempt to apologise first or at least get the ball rolling by entering the room or bluntly asking if he would like a 'cuppa'. I know that when reconciliation is reached, it means the lovey dovey vibe is back in the house and we can both continue on the right side of the tracks.
None of us have perfect relationships and it is clear that as sinners we don't have the perfect relationship with God either.
I was once the girl who turned away from church with her middle finger in the air and the stale winds of emotional abuse from authority in her wake. Developing a dependance on alcohol, (sorry mum), an out-of-control lifestyle of rebellious behaviour with boys in bands and a vengeance towards everyone trying to help, or as I saw it, control.
This is my story from a past season, of how I pushed everyone away because I couldn't face up to the difficulties of ALL my relationships and my choices in them. It got me absolutely nowhere!! Worst of all my relationship with God was being abused most, because I didn't want to look for Him through the haze of smoke and a continuously broken heart, not understanding that there was a galaxy of difference between his love and everyone else's.
I wish I knew God then, the way I know him now. To know that there is a difference to the way we see relationships and how he sees them. My most difficult relationships today are also my most rewarding and loyal ones. I'm a lot wiser now. Knowing who I am in Christ also shows me that I, too, need to try and attain the characteristics of God in order to be selfless. Humility, kindness, gentleness, forgiveness these are all qualities I severely lacked before understanding what God meant in scripture. It's not a wishy-washy-apply-when-necessary view. It's God's view on how we are to be in all relationships. He calls us to love everyone and we can't do that with mess in our heart space. Yes, yes, I know, nice and obvious but I know more people who are Christian and have lived on this earth a significant amount of time and still can't kick this concept into gear! I'm talking about being vulnerable in a place that only God can heal. It's not good enough if you're only going to half-heartedly give yourself to a relationship, human or spiritual. This doesn't mean you don't have discernment, however, in the people you choose as your besties. This is an important characteristic, as there are people who aren't going to encourage what's in your best interest on your quest to find relational bliss. Consult the big guy up top, so you will know how to have, build, resolve and support these relationships here on earth as well as with Him.
1 John 3:18 "Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions."
When light words are easy to say, sometimes it's better to ask what's needed from you instead.
